Friday, 24 May 2013

The Sweet Tooth

I have an affliction known to many as "a sweet tooth".

A sweet tooth

A sweet tooth

Much like the way arthritis sets its sights on joints and madness settles in the mind, my affliction, a sweet tooth, takes root in a single tooth. Really? I am quite certain it is not just a single tooth in my mouth responsible for the strong attraction I have to sugar-laden treats. If anything, my teeth are the ones who will suffer the most.

Their enamel will be stripped and when that happens, I will also be joining in with their pain-filled screams. My teeth quake in fear that one day I might forget to brush them clean of the toxic-to-teeth debris.

Wait. If my teeth already quake...


Perhaps this "sweet" tooth of mine is of a sugary flavour itself. Perhaps the gripping need to pour honey on my tongue could easily be sated by simply passing my tongue over the sugary nub whenever the desire takes hold of me. That last sentence sounds dirty; however, I cannot change it. Rewording is one thing. Pressing backspace is another. And chocolate is yummy.

Anyway, the tooth would act like one of those things - patches or whatever they are called- one uses to wean off cigarettes. So, instead of rushing off devour (most messily) any confection within sight whenever the urge takes over, I can maintain composure and savour my tooth. Lawl. Savour my tooth. Sabre tooth. Get it?

But what happens when the tooth runs out? What happens when the day my tongue looks for that sugary nub and finds nothing but a dark pit of despair? Actually, what would stop me from attempting to (and most likely succeeding in) crushing my tooth like any other piece of candy. You might think that impossible.

"Ha ha ha You can't chew your own teeth! What are you? Dumb?"

No. Ever tried chewing jolly ranchers? Those things are hard.

Also, have you ever seen someone clench their jaw and grind their teeth? Well, I'm no dentist, but angle the teeth a little differently and apply a bit more pressure and I'm sure someone with enough determination could break off a tooth. Chewing the tooth might be difficult. Swallowing it isn't.

Losing the tooth is inevitable. Do I get another "sweet" tooth when it's gone or am I stuck with a gap and a sense of failure added to my trophy collection?

Another way to interpret the "sweet tooth" is to admit that the tooth is just a really nice polite tooth. Everyone's friend, really. Like this guy.

New! Twisted Metal Sweet Tooth skin! Lawl


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